The week I didn’t talk to God

I didn’t talk to God for 5 days, following a powerful encounter with Him during the final session of a Healing Rooms training day.

It didn’t seem to be a remarkable moment, this rushed conclusion during which every participant was anointed with oil and prayed for.

What happened? Well, let me just say that childhood encounters with electric fences on my uncle’s dairy farm pale in comparison to what struck me in full force at that moment.

After 5 days of stunned silence, I thought I had better get back on speaking terms with the Lord—and only then because I was leading a prayer meeting at our church that evening.

I drove out to the beach, planted my feet in the sea and uttered just 3 words:

‘WHAT WAS THAT?’

The response was immediate, and very clear:

‘You asked for it.’

I had to admit, the Spirit of God had me there. I had encountered the power of His presence after praying a big, bold prayer. ‘Lord,’ I said, I’m not here for healing, and I’m not looking for a healing ministry, I want to help raise up an army of healers!’

When we pray for God’s Presence, do we know what we are asking for?

I believe it was Tommy Tenney who reflected on the annoying way that some small dogs chase after cars. What would the dog ever do if it caught the car? Does it ever enter its mind?

In the same way, we ask for God to move, and seek His Presence, but do we really know what we are asking for?

I have thought about this again this week, because The Hunk and I have experienced a series of miracles, and a heightened sense of God’s Presence.

I found myself overawed, conscious of an urge to draw back from Him.

When heaven invades earth, when God shows up, when miracles break out—we will not always respond the way we expect to, or would like to.

I draw reassurance from accounts in the Bible that show I am not alone in my weak and imperfect response to God’s Presence:

When God showed up:

• Moses and Gideon argued with God (Exodus 4, Judges 6:11-15)
• Saul was blinded (Acts 9:1-9)
• Daniel fell and lost his strength (Dan 11:15-18)
• The Apostle John was told not to be afraid (Rev 1:17)

When Jesus came to His disciples walking on the water, the disciples did not recognise Him, thinking He was a ghost! He told them not to be afraid, for they were terrified.

God does not always show up in the way we imagine, or at the time we expect.

If the greatest saints in scripture struggled in their response to God’s Presence, what makes me think I can?

The Unfamiliar God

God is not ‘safe.’ That is—He is not safe to our pride, our dignity, our sinful nature, our puny ideas or plans. He is more than we can handle and He is beyond our control.

In the Narnia Chronicles, C S Lewis wrote stories of the lion Aslan, King of Kings of Narnia. Aslan’s subjects had a saying about him: ‘He is not a tame lion.’ He was majestic, terrifying to his enemies and redeemer of his own, powerful and unpredictable. Yet the child Lucy would run to him with joyful familiarity and bury her face in his mane.

At times, I respond as Lucy did. At other times, struck by God’s power and unpredictability, I draw back. I have wandered into unfamiliar territory in my relationship with Him.

God did not disqualify Moses, Gideon, or His disciples, when they did not respond well to His Presence or the message that He brought them. Instead, He showed them patience and brought comforting reassurance.

As I recall these things, I do not feel so bad about my own response. I decide to receive His grace and reassurance too.

Ps 103:13-14 says,

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

The challenge we face is to continue to press in, to continue to pray the bold prayers. To take a deep breath and be honest with Him about how we feel, that He is overwhelming, that we are not certain that we can take any more of His Presence, and yet are afraid that He will draw back; that we cannot live without Him, and yet need His strength to live with Him.

I think I will go and do that right now.

If you have any thoughts on this topic, or have had any experiences like this, I would love to hear from you. Click on this and leave a comment at the bottom of this post.

© Helen Calder    Enliven Publishing

Like Moses Did, You Can Have Intimacy With God

There is something compelling about the image of Moses speaking directly with God, standing with the cloud of God’s Presence at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. (Ex 33:7-11)

• How did it feel to be that close to God?
• What did God’s voice sound like?
• What must it have been like to know that God wanted to spend time talking personally with Moses—sharing His own intentions and feelings?

Moses had an intimate friendship with God that no one else at that time shared. And yet, this relationship is available to each one of us, should we desire it. (John 15:15, 2 Cor 3:12-17)

It has been said, ‘you are as close to God as you want to be.’ A glimpse of Moses’ prayer life shows us the nearness to God that is possible.

Intimacy—God’s Idea

Our word ‘intimacy’ comes from a Latin word meaning ‘innermost.’

An intimate friend is someone with whom we can share our deepest personal feelings. ‘INTO-ME-SEE’: Intimacy implies a high level of transparency in a relationship.

Intimacy is what Adam and Eve had with God at the beginning of creation, when the Lord walked in the Garden of Eden with them. Intimacy is what they lost when they disobeyed God’s word. (Gen 1-3)

Intimacy of relationship is what Jesus died on the cross to restore; hence, we know it is very important to God. (Gal 4:4-6)

As it has been said—‘If God seems far away, guess who moved?’

God has already done all that He can to restore intimacy with us. He is waiting for us to make the move towards Him.

6 Ways Moses’ Face to Face Relationship Challenges Me

As I contemplate Moses’ friendship with God, here are the truths that confront me:

1. God Wants to be Close to me.

The pillar of cloud moves towards the Tent of Meeting, where Moses has kept his appointment with God.

The depth of God’s desire to spend time with me, and the price He has paid to do so is beyond my ability to comprehend.

• I know He desires to be with me—too often, I move to meet Him hesitantly. Today, I choose to take bold, firm steps towards God

2. There is Always More of God to Encounter

Moses has a ‘face to face’ friendship with God. He speaks with Him in the cloud of His Presence. And yet, Moses is still dissatisfied with his current experience of God.

‘Lord, show me your glory.’ (Ex 33:18)

• There is always more of God to encounter; dare I, like Moses, request it—and what will happen when I do? Lord, show me your glory, increase my capacity to bear it.

3. Intimacy Involves 2-Way Conversation

Moses shares his concerns with God, but he also listens as God shares His own plans, thoughts, and feelings.

There is a place of intimacy, beyond the self-absorbed prayer I have known, where I can move from self-consciousness to GOD-CONSCIOUSNESS.

• I wonder—when was the last time I listened to God as He shared His feelings and plans? Lord, may I hear Your voice today.

4. A Friend or an Onlooker—I Get to Choose

The people of Israel stand at the entrances to their tents, watching in awe as Moses enters the Tent of Meeting.

The people of Israel were onlookers. They saw the distant cloud of God’s presence but did not hear the conversation. All they knew of God’s words were what they heard second-hand from Moses (Ps 103:7)

• Am I content with being an onlooker while others get close to God? …I say, ‘No’…  I want to see You Lord, I want to hear Your voice for myself

5. Withhold, or Disclose my Inner World?

Moses does not hold back his thoughts, his grievances, his desires. His life is an open book to God.

I can open up my real inner self to God because I am safe with Him. Nothing is hidden from God, He knows all about me anyway. His grace is the remedy for my weakness, His forgiveness the remedy for my sin.

• God says, ‘Come to Me as you are.’ (Heb 10:19-22) Will I reach for more of the intimate relationship with God that Jesus has paid the price for?

**One day when my daughter was small, we were walking to church when it started to rain. I shrunk against the side of the building to avoid the damp; after all, the rain would spoil my hair. My daughter leapt out into the rain, her arms flung wide, yelling out, ‘I just want to get wet!’ That’s the attitude I want to have towards the Presence of God. The Kingdom is for the children (Matt 18:3)–will you join me?

The people of Israel stand at the entrances to their tents, watching in awe as Moses enters the Tent of Meeting. The pillar of cloud, which has been leading the people of Israel in their journey out of Egypt, moves towards the entrance of the tent. Now it stays, positioned at the doorway, while the LORD speaks with Moses

‘face to face, as a man speaks with his friend.’

(Ex 33:7-11)

Related posts:

Spiritual Renewal: Cafe Moments With God

© Helen Calder    Enliven Publishing

This week, The Hunk had to carry me out of a church service. I could not walk, because I was utterly overcome physically by the presence and power of God (I can only recall one other instance of a similar thing happening, around twelve years ago).

We have been blessed to have our sister and brother-in-law, Stuart and Lynley Allan here in Melbourne during this past week. We attended a couple of meetings at which they, along with John and Carol Arnott, from Toronto, Canada, were ministering.

‘Do What it Takes to Get Filled’

Only four months ago, I was sitting overlooking a local reservoir that has been affected by our State’s drought. It was around 30% full.

The emptiness of the reservoir echoed the devastated state of my soul. 

I had spent most of the year **not** recovering from ministry burnout. I mistakenly thought that taking extended time out and reducing my ministry responsibilities would help me get better. It didn’t.

A wise pastor who had himself been through burnout said to me, ‘Time doesn’t heal the problem. You need to intentionally do whatever it takes to get refilled again.’ As he spoke, I realised that one of those things, for me personally, was taking time outdoors to meet with God.

Being intentional about doing what it took to get refilled, spiritually and emotionally, proved a turning point for me.

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How Am I Going–Really?

Jesus called His disciples firstly to be with Him, and then to serve Him (Mark 3:14). When we get the order of that around the wrong way, we get into trouble. I have learned this the hard way.

As we begin a new year, let’s reflect on this very important question:

• Am I filled, or depleted in my spiritual life?

A similar question that is also vitally important, is:

• Am I filled, or depleted in my emotional life?

It can be difficult to tell how used up the tank of your emotional and spiritual reserve is, until it is too late. This is where looking for external clues to your condition become important—a subject I may cover another time. (If you have questions or ideas about this, feel free to comment on this post or email me).

As Christians we can receive the gift of the baptism of the Holy Spirit, to empower us to be all we can be, and change our world (Acts 1:8).

However, we continually need a fresh impartation of the Holy Spirit if we are going to minister out of fullness (John 7:37-39). We also need to be acquainted with the Spirit if we are going to hear His voice and receive prophetic revelation that will break open situations and lead people to Jesus (John 14:26).

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, the word ‘impart’ means ‘to give, convey, or grant from or as if from a store.’

Impartation implies a source. When that source is God, and our need is for His Spirit, we know He has an unlimited heavenly abundance that we can draw from. (John 3:34)

3 Ways the New Testament Church received an Impartation of the Holy Spirit are:

1. Directly from Jesus

Matt 10:1, John 20:22-23.

We can also receive directly from Jesus when we spend time with Him by having a healthy devotional life.

2. From God as they prayed

Acts 2:1-4

The Church received the baptism of the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost. However, this kind of praying and waiting on God should not just be a one-off experience. We see the church praying and receiving an infilling of the Holy Spirit again in Acts 4:24-31

3. Through the Ministry of Laying on of Hands

Acts 6:6, Acts 8:17, Acts 19:6

As effective as ministry with ‘laying on of hands’ can be, it should never become a replacement of our receiving personally and directly from God.

Also, it is our own responsibility to maintain the gift from God that this kind of impartation gives us. The Apostle Paul said to Timothy,

‘For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.’ 2 Tim 1:6-7

How to Receive a Fresh Infilling of the Holy Spirit

The Apostle Paul’s present continuous use of the verb, ‘Be filled with the Spirit’ in Eph 5:18-20, indicates that being filled with the Holy Spirit should be our ongoing experience.

Here are some things that I have found useful to receive a fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit in my life over the past four months:

1. Doing what it took to be renewed in my devotional life

2. Being intentional about doing the things that connect me personally with God

(in my case, this included spending time in prayer and reflection outdoors, however it will be different for every person)

3. ‘Soaking.’

(Dictionary definition: To be immersed until thoroughly saturated.)

For me, this means taking time in God’s presence with no other agenda but to connect with and receive from Him. I find that intimate worship music is a great facilitator of this.

4. Receiving prayer from others (laying on hands) for a refilling of the Spirit

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Has this worked?
Recently, I was again visiting the reservoir, when I noticed the difference: the emptiness of the dam no longer reflected my inner state. I knew I had been refilled. (Thank You Jesus). My response to God’s Presence in the meetings held here in Melbourne this week demonstrated the overflow.

What are the ways that you can be filled with God’s Holy Spirit, and refreshed, spiritually and emotionally?

For related posts, review the Spiritual Renewal Category

Check back on this blog over the next couple of weeks as I will be discussing ‘Prophetic Activation through Journaling‘

© Helen Calder   Enliven Publishing

One of the best views in Victoria can be found on Panorama Drive, San Remo. Whenever I am passing through, I drive by to pause, admire the view and to smile to myself in amusement. For the beneficiaries of this extraordinary view are neither wealthy homeowners, nor tourists, but a paddock of sheep—upon whom the view is both lavished and lost.

Jesus said to His disciples, ‘Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom’ (Luke 12:32).

Like the sheep of San Remo, however, we can only dimly perceive God’s Kingdom due to our earthbound state. God’s remedy for our condition can be found in ‘portal moments,’ those instances of unmistakeable, supernatural, divine intervention.

Portal moments can occur in the small passing moments of God-awareness, such as my pause of enjoyment at San Remo. But they can also occur in the larger breakthroughs of life.

We have portal moments when:

• God speaks to us personally
• Prayer is answered
• God’s intervention or guidance is the only explanation for something that has taken place
• We or someone else around us is saved, healed, or set free

Such portal moments are God announcing, ‘The Kingdom is here!’

When Jesus sent out His disciples, He instructed them, ‘Heal the sick who are there and tell them, “The kingdom of God is near you.”’ (Luke 10:9).

It was not only the message that gained the attention of people; it was the healing, miracles and the display of God’s authority over the demonic realm. The message and the supernatural demonstration of God’s power are supposed to go together. It is God’s way—and yet I have settled for much less than that.

Should we ask for portal moments?

The prophet cried, ‘Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down!’ (Isaiah 64:1).

The early church cried out, ‘Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus!” (Acts 4:30)

Apparently crying out to God for portal moments is His idea.

That’s what prayer is about: asking the Father for an act of divine intervention. However, I often neglect to do this. Sometimes this is because I am disillusioned about prayers that (from my earthly perspective) seem to have gone unanswered. But by far the most frequent reason that I don’t ask or look for portal moments is that it is simply easier to go along with the ordinary than to be a supernatural Christian.

Sometimes, I don’t expect portal moments because deep down, I don’t believe I deserve them.

Jacob had a portal moment at one of the lowest times of his life. He had failed, grasping for the promised blessing of God through lies and deceit. Now, it seemed he had lost everything, and his own brother was plotting to kill him. He was on his way into exile (you can read this story in the Bible, in Genesis 27-28).

Stopping for the night and using a rock for a pillow, he dreamed of a stairway reaching between heaven and earth to the place where he was. Angels descended and ascended and God stood at the top, and spoke to him reaffirming His promises of blessing.

When he awoke, he said, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.’ (Gen 28:16).

Like Jacob, or the sheep at San Remo, I do not always discern God’s presence and Kingdom, and the darkest of times I expect His intervention the least. I stop reaching for answers to prayer.

And then a Divine act of mercy provides me with a miracle, a provision, a healing, a message or a light of hope at the end of my tunnel. Like Jacob, I am reminded that God is still with me, just as He has promised.

I am currently being challenged both to ask for and to expect portal moments. Not only for my own benefit, and not even solely for those around me who need to know that ‘The Kingdom of God is near.’

I am also stirring up my expectation for portal moments because my hunger for God will not allow me to settle for anything less. For portal moments are either born out of the intimacy of prayer, or are encounters that lead me back to intimacy with Him. They are life’s confrontations with the Living God.

©  Helen Calder  Enliven Publishing